A Moment’s Story (16May14)

Last Week of High School

 How could she deny me so easily, in front of everyone? Her eyes were more expressive than the harsh, decisive words that flowed forth into light after so much burying and covering up; the silence I was used to feeling from her when sadness and jealousy would grip her tongue was a distant memory at this point. Face ablaze with the rapid rush of boiling blood and hostilities, she let loose of all the emotions that she spared from me during our journey together. Her outburst was sudden and quick, she gave no warning before setting off the biggest bomb I’ve had the displeasure of seeing in my life… I just stood there, consuming the waves of words as they came. What else could I do, but take it all?

Why didn’t she make these feelings known when our relationship supposedly meant something to her? Why did she wait until now (when I was at my weakest) to destroy me brick-by-brick until my foundation laid in ruins? Did she care about me or our relationship at all? Did she ever genuinely care about anything we fought so long for? Was any of what I prayed for real at all…? If Tara didn’t want commitment from me, what was she after this entire time then? Were my efforts in maintaining our sorry excuse for a functional relationship not enough? Why was she boasting ultimate strength in the foundation we laid down together when she proved her ultimate weakness when she gave up on everything we stood for with one mistake I made? Why can’t she just see that I love her? What do I have to do to make her know that I was always faithful to her in the face of uncertainty and doubt? Why did she think I stuck with her this entire way through? Why does she hate me…?

I held our scrapbook and the necklace I gave her for Christmas the year before in my hand, to return to her possession before leaving her for good. I was graduating that next weekend, and holding onto those reminders at how bad I fucked up wasn’t weighing on my heart too well. Plus, I thought that if she kept those things from me, she’d at least be able to focus on the fond memories we shared and remember where my heart was (instead of dwelling on the mistakes I made recently). Up to this point, continuing to try and convince her to mend the wounds our relationship suffered was futile at best, so that was far outside of my reach. All I wanted now was for her remember me as the young man who stole her heart and treated it right… To be the first love that didn’t crush her heart… To be that memory that brings a smile to her face years from now… But, things hardly ever go as planned in life. Sucks, but that’s what life is all about: dealing with things that turn to shit.

When she finally allowed me to take a breath after her emotionally-confused rant, she took the contents of my hands and threw them across the band room as hard as she could. It took me a moment to process all that happened in front of me just then… That shocked me to the point of almost taking my fists across her face. I know, I know… Laying your hands on a woman is absolutely wrong in every situation except in self defense. I honestly didn’t lend Taryn my ear during most of her yelling, so my mind was still on something else when she threw my gifts to her out of my hands. Unconsciously, I was about to drop her fresh ass with a single hit. It took every ounce of instantaneously-gained self control I mustered to not do such a vile thing against the girl I once thought to be my soul mate… I’m still disgusted at my initial instinct…

She stormed out of the band room, leaving behind at least twenty-odd surprised eyes in her place. Someone ran after the necklace and tried to take it as theirs; this is where I reeled my arms back for a real release… How dare you try and claim a jewel so precious to me, you will never understand the value that is held in that necklace you’re holding now! I shouted my throat from my neck trying to get the attention of the girl who was trying to escape with Tara’s old necklace. She turned around and looks at me in offense. I commanded her to give it back, but realized in the quickest of moments that the light and former glory that each diamond chip and golden bend once held so proudly was all but present now… She was only holding the shell of our love… It was dead, just like the glow of Tara’s eyes from that point on </3

After doing some pointless yelling, she took off with her amulet and faded from sight. The scrapbook still laid flat at my feet, not traveling far from where it stood only a few minutes ago. I knelt to pick it up, but stopped as my fingers touched the binder’s spine. I was touching the only evidence of our unstoppable, everlasting love… It was disowned by the one it was meant for all along, so why should I continue to have it?

Well, I did pick it back up… Only to angrily throw it on the ground, along with the internal rage that boiled so long before that moment…

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