Forgetting to Heal (24Dec15)

Dorm Room
Christmas Eve, 1630L

I’m not entirely sure if I’ve ever been this depressed AND bored with my life at the same damn time. It’s sad, really. I rise in the morning to face yet another bland and empty sequence of events that mean nothing to me in the long run, just to sleep and repeat the vicious cycle all over again. Up, down, up, smoke, down, maybe drink a little, smoke, down, up, fuck someone, down, miss my family, feel utterly empty inside…

And up again.

This surly is no way to live. I daydream of fog for half my day, and when I’m not getting pounded away in the ass by the responsibilities that wearing this uniform brings, I’m thinking of home and my fallen Juliet.. I’m beginning to realize that this might be the reason why I’m not ready to take up a wife; I miss someone I haven’t looked at or talked to in over 2 years. I miss the taste of her lips, and how complete I felt when she’d call me hers. I at least had one instance of security in her, because it felt like I’d have her forever… I literally forgot what life was like without her in the wake of our impossibly strong love and sacred connection, one that we formed from the start! Such a rich and sure release…

She was mine, yes, but I was never given the chance to prove my love for her in the same mode I’d always dreamed of. Her cunt-bag of a grandmother saw to that, as committed as our Lord and Savior’s love for the flawed and pathetic lot of us… She never wanted to see us together, because she was so willing to place her granddaughter’s peace of mind and happiness tied onto train tracks to ensure that her rule remained supreme. Lady Capulet’s reign forbade me admittance into a more fulfilling sense of the word LOVE.

Oh, how I long to finally taste of victory… An event that outlasts my heartbeats, numbered…

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