Like the Weather (02Jan15)

Sun and Rain, my Darling
Dorm Room
0454

It’s like I’m running in circles for humor’s sake. What I mean is how I’ve been handling myself the past several months since I’ve been in the military. I still keep feeding myself hope in Tori (which literally should have died junior year of high school, but remains the tic lying on my ball sack), and deep down… Tara rules over my heart. Even if my mind never visits her and smothers itself in her bosom, the feeling lingers, still. How is this even possible? I am stuck, and there’s nothing that I can do to solve anything or make things as they should be! I have no power over Tara’s hold on me; can a prisoner master over the chains that bind his feet? No, and let it stand forevermore! For what are shackles for, but to paralyze the soul bound to them?

There’s an hour’s wait left until I can walk up to the DFAC and have breakfast. Don’t ask me why I never decided to just sleep the time away until that point came, because I would have to direct you to another source for the answer. I hate sleep. I can’t think of a greater waste of time. Even though I usually have nothing planned for myself to occupy me for the duration of however long I remain awake, it still bothers me to be left in bed… Where I’m unmoving and unintelligible, until I must rise once more to endure yet another “glorious” day of servitude toward my fellow human being… It’s not like my conscience has the ability to conjure sweet visions or create some beautiful fantasy for my mind to relish in while I’m a slave to the night… From where my aged mind has deteriorated, I could never come to wish this complete and utter sense of LACK on my most hated of foes…

I hate my jaded conscience.
This feathery memory causes me a physical pain.
I am a mental vegetable with the internal manifestation of a literary prodigy.
This all moves me to believe that this is a punishment for all my sin against G-d…

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