Parade without Cheer (11Nov14)

Last sight of milady, Tara…
Discarding our Sacred Fruit
Veteran’s Day Parade, 2014

The Veteran’s Day parade was yesterday. Overall, it passed by fairly quickly, faster than I remembered it every year as a kid. At first, I wasn’t too enthusiastic about seeing the loud embodiment of armored beetles and the long lines of somber browns and grey uniforms holding aging men and withering women (I’ve never seen so many insincere smiles combined into one gathering in my life). Anyway, I gained an interest in the festivities once I remembered my old band was performing in a parade line behind the main floats. I mean, we did that the two years I was there, and I was excited to hear the new drum cadences they came up with. Well, I waved to mostly new freshmen, but there were familiar faces that warmed my heart to see again… Except the one that swiftly turned away in cold desperation to go unseen by my eyes. Who else could I possibly be talking about? It’s pretty obvious, Taryn herself. God, she hates my ass so hard… I’m so dead inside…

***

I remember when we both walked to the library after a shortened day of school two years back in hopes of spending a few sincere moments together before the she-fuck of a grandmother she has gets home. We passed my house and swore that we saw my mom looking right at us walking away, making it a joke that every time I’d pass my house that she was stalking me with hunter’s eyes… Other memories of us flashed before my eyes and stole my breath beneath the anguish I felt in those hazed moments. Inside torture and questions flooded my mind to the point of being completely oblivious to the outside world, so the parade was reduced to the heartbeats of a June bug…

She forgot everything we built together, all the shit we treaded through to get the most out of our love… It took me this whole way to realize that she didn’t truly care about our future… How could she? She later told me she was afraid of commitment; Taryn seriously told me 10 whole fucking months after we took upon ourselves the difficult journey for external acceptance and peace about our relationship. We BOTH couldn’t understand that level. We were young and stupid enough to believe that our “limitless love and determination” could conquer hatred, when we had no means of escaping that hell… I thought us invincible, but my perception wasn’t practical. Nothing is free from the sly hand of mistrust and vanquish, unfortunately.

Fuck. I wish I could have found that out some other way.

 

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